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TRUST

"Love all, trust a few." - William Shakespeare

Trust is developed by testing the boundaries of a relationship. You say the wrong thing to a friend and he gets upset with you and doesn't speak to you again. You hadn't properly tested the relationship. By testing, you sort out the people who you cannot trust with more personal information. Trust is an essential ingredient to a worthwhile relationship. Testing begins when you first meet people. You meet 100 people. You talk small talk to them and sort out 25 people you would like to get to know better. You discuss more serious subjects. Of those 25 people, you find 5 with whom you can get into deeper conversations. You may find only 1 or 2 who have enough in common with you to maintain a relationship.

You continue to test. You say something personal or express an opinion and notice the reaction. This tells you the boundaries of the relationship and whether you can accept each other or you have to watch every word you say. At the same time, they are testing you and watching your reactions. When enough time goes by and you both pass the tests, you have a viable relationship.

Let's say you are married to someone who is always late. You tell him he needs to be home by 6:00. You can depend on him to come home around 6:30. This happens every time. Since you know this about him, you can either ask him to come home by 5:30 or you can live with his behavior, but you know what to expect. You trust him to come home late. It isn't what you want, but you understand what to expect. By the way, if you always tell him to come home one half hour earlier than is necessary, he will also figure out that you can be trusted to be one half hour off. The more you understand the other person, the easier it is to trust him. When you can't trust a person, it isn't worth the disappointment to maintain the relationship. For more about personalities, see Personality Quiz.

Something else to consider is when you are asked to trust someone that you cannot test like your daughter's new boyfriend or the man running for mayor of your town. You can't test them over time, but you can check into their backgrounds. The only information you have is their past. This can tell you a lot. If you ask the boyfriend if he is a nice person, someone you can trust, he will tell you that he is. This tells you nothing. Find out about friends, former actions. The man running for mayor has a background. This will tell you more than listening to him tell you why you should vote for him. What is his track record? Why should you trust him?

"There is one safeguard known generally to the wise, which is an advantage and security to all, but especially to democracies as against despots. What is it? Distrust." - Demosthenes

You may trust your job or the check that comes in every month. It has always been there. It has stood the test of time. Trust is based on reliable information. Information changes and keeping up with new information will protect you. If you think you can trust someone or something and it fails you, the effects can be devastating. If you know there may be a change, you can prepare for it. Most people are uncomfortable with change thrust upon them. It throws them off balance. You can stay on balance if you know what is going on and have a backup plan to accommodate that change. Trust only what you know, not what you think you know. Keep your resume up to date and pay attention to gossip about a buyout of your business.

You can't foretell the future, but you can make educated guesses that are close to accurate. It's okay to test people. It's okay to ask questions that help you understand what to expect.

© Copyright Echod Enterprise 2008

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